Hard choices. Is it all black or white?

 
 One of the tiring facts of life is that every day we have to make some kind of choices. Either it's prom's dress, new hair color, what to wear on certain occasion, or is he the right for me. Not to mention the "adult" kind of every day choices with so much responsibility not only for ourselves but others. Hard one, and not much fun, ha?
I'm kinda used to make decisions. Even the hard ones. I used to be so bloody good at that.
But you see, the problem that comes with making choices is often called Guilty Conscience. At least I'm having trouble with that for all my life, and I'm sure that many of you do know what I'm talking about. But if there's some way to delete that extra feeling wouldn't it just be marvelous?

You know like- I would love to have chocolate every day (and stay thin off course), without feeling guilty.
I would love not to hate that unstylish Milka cow who's having Those shoes or whatsoever.
Personally I don't hate anyone and the jealousy part in brain just doesn't exist. But I so hate myself from time to time for being too weak for some people or situations who are instantly hurting me, and no matter how aware I am of all different types of manipulations, I always end up putting my back for the one that doesn't deserve it. Is it a good or a bad thing I can't say. On one way I'm kinda proud of that naive thing I kept in myself but on the other- not practical at all and it hurts like hell. Like too small high heel stiletto that you've bought only because they didn't have your size. Is it all so easy and black and white and should we train ourselves to just take it that way. Like that Afghan hound on a chair. Oh how often I feel confused like that! Or should we stay where we are? In our grey area. There's so much place to play hide and seek sometimes. 
My vote goes for grey!
and yours?
Sincerely, your liar.

serenahphotography.com

 Jedna od možda najzamornijih stavri koje život čine dođu mu izbori. Bilo da se radi o izboru prave haljine za maturu, novoj boji kose, šta obući u kojoj prilici, iliti onoj čuvenoj- da li je On pravi za mene. Da ne pominjem tek one "zrele" odluke koje dolaze ruku pod ruku sa samostalnošću i vuku za sobom celu kompoziciju vagona odgovornosti. Gadno, jel da? A ne zvuči ni preterano zabavno.
Nisam imala nekih poteškoća u donošenju odluka. Čak i onih zaista bitinih. Čak sam nekada bila i jako dobra u tome. Ali vidite problem nastupa u onom trenutku kada se posle donošenja odluke javi ono što se zove Griža Savesti. Barem ja imam taj problem koji je evoluirao do onoga što se u psihologiji stručno naziva Kompleksom Griže Savesti. Nadam se da većina vas zna o čemu pričam. Te ne bi li bilo prosto divno kada tako nešto ne bi smaralo naša nejaka telašca i umorne umove?
Znate ono tipa- hoću da jedem čokoladu svaki dan, ostanem mršava, bez da me posle toga grize savest?
Ili- kako to ona "mučenica" koja opasno podseća na Milka manekenku akka Kravu, ima baš One cipele?

Lično sam operisana od osećaja ljubomore, i jako sam genetici i vaspitanju na tome zahvalna, što ne znači da često ne mrzim samu sebe zbog ponovnog upadanja u neke situacije za koje unapred znam da će me pogoditi, i koje su često plod nečije manipulacije. Koliko je to dobro, možda znate i sami, ja baš i ne. Neko može se biti jako ponosan na sebe što se je upravo ta naivnost zadrzala kao nešto što izdvaja od ovog "pokvarenog sveta", dok sa druge, morate priznati ne zvuči ni malo praktično, a i česo boli previše? Kao kada kupite baš one salonke sa vrtoglavom potpeticom ali broj manje jer vaš, naravno, nisu imali. Tako nekako boli.
Pa da li je baš sve tako crno- belo i treba li se potruditi da se tako postavimo?
Ili je možda bolje da se držimo onog sivog prostora sa tako puno različitih varijeteta u kome opet zanmo da plivamo? U njemu se mogu igrati i žmurke, znate?
Moj glas ide sivoj!
A vaš?

Iskreno, vaš lažov.

Are we bitches, or it's just shoes

One quick question girls- do you find it a bit awkward or not to feel unsatisfied when it comes to "really important stuff" in your relationship even when everything seems to fit just fine?
I mean why do we act like immature girls on some occasions, like anniversaries, birthdays, gifts & co when we all know that real love is all that counts bla, bla?
Why it's, neurotically speaking, off course, equally hard for us to find a right pair of shoes and to settle with what we can get from our men?
Why do we have to ask for more? And searching a needle in a haystack?
The funniest thing of all is that we often don't know what that "more" is! More reading our minds- neee! More flowers and sweet talking- to emotionally adult for that! More what? And what is more?
On my very second (marital, OMG!) anniversary which is today, I caught up myself wondering the same...
Will we ever know?
Or we do, but it's to whatsoever to deal with it. At least some of us. And some of us are just being spoilt. Huh, who can blame us after all!
But be careful, a line between being neurotic in such a cute way, and slowly becoming a crazy Cat Lady is very thin!
After all, do you really want to end up in a wooden chair, wrapped in a hand made blanket with just cats or pups around you?
Now I'm off to figger out what to on my D Day...
Sincerely, your liar!

Samo jedno brzo pitanje devojke- da li i vi nalazite čudnima naše napade nezadovoljstva i apatije kada se radi o onim kao "važnim stvarima u vezi", i to kada je sve generalno sasvim u redu?
Mislim, šta je razlog opšte ženske potrebe da se ponašamo poput razmaženih devojčica u nekim prilikama kao što su godišnjice, rođendani, pokloni i resto, kada svi kao odlično znamo da jedino što je zapravo bitno je ljubav itself bla, bla?
I zašto nam je gotovo podjednako teško da samo prihvatimo ono što nam naši muškarci mogu ponuditi, gotovo kao kada treba da odaberemo onaj pravi par cipela? Pričamo neurotičnim jezikom sad, podrazumevano.
Zašto nam je uvek prokleto potrebno to nešto više? A tek traženje igle u plastu sena?!
Ono što i čini sve ovo najvećim paradoksom upravo i jeste to da većina nas zapravo nema ni približnu predstavu šta bi to "nešto više" trebalo da bude! Izoštrenija percepcija za čitanje nam misli- neeee! Više cveća i slatkog ćeretanja- previše emotivno inteligentne za to. (Pričam o većini mojih prijatelja, a i vas, da se odmah razjasnimo). 

Više čega?
I šta je dođavola, to "više"?
Na moju drugu godišnjicu braka, koja je danas, UPS, uhvatih sebe pitajući se sto...
Hoćemo li ikada umeti da dmo sebi odgovor na to pitanje?
Ili ga već imamo, ali smo po principu "whaterever cinizma" naučile da se nosimo sa time. Bar neki od nas. A neke su, to morate priznati, samo razmažene.
Uh, a ko bi nas i krivio posle svega!
Samo pažljivo, iza svakog žbuna vreba zamka u kojoj se zbog svih tih simpatičnih neuroza pretvaramo u Crazy Cat Ladies sa vunenim šalom i mačićima ili kucama oko nas!
Sada ja polako klizim nazad u svoju godišnjicu pokušavajući da prokljuvim šta za taj dan D...
Iskreno, vaš lažov!

Barelegged

Don't know if you're having the same trouble as I am every Summer, but doesn't matter how thin, tanned or toned I am, along with the first rays of sun and temperatures getting higher and higher, exposing your body becomes a necessity and I don't really feel comfortable to do it.

And God is my witness- I?m wearing mostly shorts and short skirts or dresses. Damn!

There, I said it. 

None of us is 100% happy with our body, no matter what others may say. I'm always, but always having those doubts and not very pleasant feeling about bearing my legs for the first time in the season. Those doubts like- do I have a cellulite? Are my legs jelly- shaking while I'm walking? How does my skin looks? I know, I know- bloody medias and Photoshop messing with my brain. But trust me, it was always like that. Don't know if you're trippin' the same way but I know I am! Trick is to trick yourself. I do this every single year. I don't mean to write about exercises, health food, self tanning- you have sites and experts for that. I can only tell you what I do besides all this- I'm not working out regularly, like to eat A LOT, I'm also eating over night because I used to study and work a lot at night- so my life is not what you can call a Victoria Secret's regime. What I do- self tanning, skin toning, anti- cellulite massages and biting my tongue while walking the street, barelegged for the first time this year. After some time, the strange feeling of being imperfect just disappears...

And who cares- my legz are purrrfect for me, my man, my cat and they certainly do fit all my shoes!

To cut the long story short, this post was prepared while the weather was what you call "decent". Now it's over 30 Celsius degrees outside and I'm typing in my tiny miny shorts already! And those first days of shame are already far behind me...

But you know what, I lie a bit, you do, right?

Ne znam imate li isti problem kao ja ali apsolutno svakog leta, bez obzira na to koliko sam zategnuta, mrsava ili preplanula (a to naravno, nikada nije dovoljno), imam onaj osećaj nelagodnosti kada treba po prvi put da "ogolim" svoje telo akka cele noge.
A bog mi je svedok da uglavnom nosim šorceve ili kratke suknje i haljine. Ups!
Eto, rekoh ga.

Znamo ižvakanu činjenicu da niko od nas nije 100% zadovoljan svojim telom, bez obzira na to šta nam drugi kažu. Ja lično uvek, ali uvek imam taj prvi osećaj nelagodnosti potpunog otkrivanja nogu po prvi put u sezoni. Znate one sumnje tipa- Dal mi se vidi celulit? Dal mi se noge tresuckaju kao pihtije dok hodam? Kak mi koža izgleda? Znam, znam- prokleti mediji i Photoshop prave nered u nasim već dovoljno opterećenim umovima. Ali verujte, i pre svega toga je uvek bilo tako. Ne znam da li imate iste tripove kao i ja, ali ja sam im postala pravi mali rob. Trik je da prevarite sebe, naravno. A ja sam od onih koje su aktivne noću. Šta ćete, spremanje ispita svojevremeno je formiralo i neke moje radne navike sada. Ne vežbam redovno, i ako se zaklinjem svakoga dana, tako da mu to i ne dođe Victoria's Secret režim, jel da?Takođe se u frižideru zaglavljuju jako često u malo pre pomenuto doba dana. Jedem više no što bi mi poverovali. Uspešno to primenjujem svake godine. Ne mislim tu na zdravu ishranu, vežbanje, samopotamnjivanje- postoje mnogo veći stručnjaci od mene za ta pitanja. Ali vam ovo pouzdano mogu reći- posle tog prvog prikazivanja vaših nogu suncu, bogu i ljudima, svaki sledeći put bude sve lakše i lakše. Kao kad ubiješ čoveka, rekli bi. Posle nekog vremena, naročito sa ovdašnjim temperaturama sve nesavršenosti vam jednostavno izblede...
Eh da, naravno, vešta kamuflaža pažljivo odabranom garderobom i naročito, ali naročito strukturom i teksturom tkanine je dosta bitna.
Važno je da budete savršene u očima vašeg čoveka, mačke, psa pa i mame, he he, i da stajete u sve svoje cipele!
I da ne dužim više, jer ovaj post je spreman sa prvim zracima sunca a sada je preko 30 napolju, pozdrav od mene u malenom šorciću, jer oni prvi dani ostadoše zamnom...
Ali znate da ja malo i lažem, da?

Childless on Spring

Another Spring has come. Joy to the world! The sun is shining, birds are singing, I'm having hard times trying to figger out where my shoes, sandals and ballet flats are, along with all the Spring/ Summer clothes and hell yes, how to dare to bear my body to the first signs of merciless sun (aways had troubles with that feeling and will talk about that in the next post), but then I realised something else. Hey, another spring has come and all I can see in my fav caffes are merciless new made mothers with their smiling faces showing their newborns like they used to show their new labeled pair of shoes. Not to mention all the pregnant girls around! I almost felt violated! Ok, now you're wondering are you in some Bitchland but I'm assuring you -you're not!
You see, I'm trying to say is that it's nothing wrong not to be multiplied, but it surely can be such a burgeon on so many levels for the not being so happy ladies. Maybe you're still single? Maybe you're in the AI procedure? Maybe you're too young, too foolish, wanting to accomplish more in your professional sphere of life or having children is just not your cup of tea. Or you just hate being lied to many times and you just gave up on it? I don't know... Many of my friends are having kids and there are more to come so I'm feeling more and more like an island among them. Not to mention that I'm even considering to learn my Kitty akka The Cat to go on leash so I can have someone to take into the walk! Or to get one of those cute little dogs to play dress up!

 But surely would love to know your attitude on having children! And it may to personal of me to tell you my attitude and point of view but one thing is sure- if you can still feel that little girl ballet dancing inside of you or pretending to be a Princess in her mom's shoes- you have it!
I'm off now. Have something stuck in my throat. Or a chest.
But you me- I lie a lot!

I dođe još jedno proleće. Radost svetu! sunce sija, ptičice ćarlijaju, ja još uvek pokušavam da shvatim gde mi je letnja obuća, gde se dedoše sve moje baletanke sa sve garderobom za Proleće- čitaj Leto, i najgore od svega kao da prenebregnem ono prvo razgolićivanje tela po ovogodišnjem suncu. ( Sa time sam uvek kuburila i o tome u sledećem postu), a onda najdenaput videh ono što mi je svakodnevno pred očima. Pa svi moji kafići su nemilosrdno preplavljeni novopečenim majkama sa novopečenim oprodom ili još novopečenim (česo premladim i prepečenim) trudnicama! A do juče su se samo hvalisale novim "brendiranim" cipelama! Gotovo se osetih ugroženom! Ok, ovo je onaj trenutak gde se pitate da li se zalutali u tekst neke sebične psiho- cyber lujke, ali vas uveravam  da je poenta sasvim drugačija!
Vidite, daleko da mislim da je razmnožavanje loše ali svakako da može buditi gorak ukus u ustima mnogim damama koje se suočavaju sa svojim single statusom, bore se sa VTO (vantelesna oplodnja), premlade su, još uvek grabe karijeru, ili pak imati decu nije njihov izbor. A možda su, kao neke koje poznajem, već odustale... Mnogi moji prijatelji i te kako imaju dece i ja se, naravno, sve više i više osećam kao nekakvo ostrvo među njima. Da ne pominjem tek to da sam ozbiljno uzela u razmatranje da naučim mačku na povodac čisto da imam i ja koga da prošetam, ili da pak i ja nabavim jedno od onis slatkih malih supstitut pasa?

Ali ono što bih stvarno volela je da čujem još neki stav vezan za "Prolećna potomstva" osim ovog mog konfuzno iznešenog.
I ono što zasigurno i otrcano znam je, da ako još uvek možete da prizovete onaj osećaj kada ste bili primbalerina vašeg Boljšoj teatra u dnevnoj sobi- imate to u sebi!
But you me- I lie a lot!

Storm Models - Taken by storm

Cara Delevigne

STORM's leading models will appear in a new photography exhibition, (Thursday April 18 - Thursday May 2) at fashion label Joseph's Westbourne Grove store.In Taken by storm you'll be able to enjoy ethereal beauty of Cindy Crawford, Kate Moss, Cara Delevigne, Jordan Dunn, etc.

Poppy Delevingne Photo By Andrew G. Hobbs

Andrej Pejic

Sarah Doukas, the founder of Storm has prepared you a few more suprises as a true diversity lover, so enjoy!

Cindy Crawford

Photo By Mark Abrahams

Jordan Dunn

Kate Moss

A little girl's peace of mind or my Magnolia story

As I was spending more time in a hospital and in bed than anywhere else I found really funny all the texts about white and minimalism being back on the front door. You can understand that the only fashion outfit I saw in a while was a Doctor's white! I used to be such a fan of a purifying look of Jil Sander, Calvin Klein, etc... but now I'm only trying to fill out my sore eyes with some colors and hell yes, prints and 3D flowers! Hey, I even planted a Magnolia tree in a yard along with some Marigold and now I've been becoming more and more obsessed with gardening. Off course I shouldn't dig such a deep hole for my tree because I should be resting bla bla, but the action keeps me going and since we are nearing my second (marriage :O ) anniversary I'm trying to consider to ask for a hair bench as a present. And off course while I was digging a hole all sweaty, muddy, too curly in my not really a gardening uniform (Zara rubber boots, pink rubber gloves for dishes and who knows what else- birds in my hair?!) many people I do and don't know passed by my house shouting not really a kind of thing words I would love to hear at that moment. you know, like- "hey gorgeous, that is a man thing, let me do it!", or " yo, pretty, can you dig me..." But I just didn't care. It was too good to feel your strenght coming back to your body so I ignored it all. Off course in my mind sentences like "I can dig you a hole your size" and all things connected to their mothers crossed my mind, but I hold it to myself maybe for the first time in my life. All I was really thinking was a view on my hope- not- to die Magnolia tree and me tricking this spring to come one day..
You see, duality is what we all have inside of us, and the ability to embrace it and use it as good as you can will be your life saver.
Why can't you have it all- tenderness of blossoming Magnolia and a power to put it right where you want it?
Every girl has its dreams...

Obzirom na to da sam provodila vise vremena u Kliničkom Centru i u krevetu no igde drugde, našla sam  gotovo smešnima sve one tekstove u časopisima ( a u bolnici čitaš samo tako!) gde se belo i minimalizam vraćaju na velika vrata. Razumećete me, jedine modne autfite koje sam viđala neko vreme bili su doktorski beli mantili! a nekada sam bila takav vatreni fan pročišćenog dizajna Jil Sander, Calvin-a Klein-a, itd...ali sada samo pokušavam da nahranim svoju glagnu dušicu bojama i o, da, printovima i 3D cvetnim motivima!
Hej, pa čak sam i zasadila drvo Magnolije u  dvorištu, sa sve nevenom okolo i napravila leju, te shvatih da postajem sve više i više opsednuta baštovanstvom. I naravno da nije trebalo moje trošno telašce da kopa tako iscrpljujuće duboku rupu. I naravno da je trebalo da se više odmaram, bla , bla, ali je akcija uvek bila to što me istinski pokreće, te mi pade na pamet, da obzirom na to da mi se rapidno bliži druga godišnjica braka, za poklon potražim kosu klupu. Eh, a takođe sam tu famoznu rupu kopala sva neuka, oblivena znojem, već blatnjava od ovog prolećnog vremena i ne baš adekvatno opremljena baštovanskim alatom, ako me razumete. Mislim Zara gumene čizme, one roze rukavice za pranje sudova, kosa kao rastući žbun u koji bi svaka ptica rado gnezdo svila. I kako to obično biva, mnogi što poznati, što ne ljudi su prolazili pored mog dvorišta dovikujući one baljezgarije tipa "ej lutko, to je posao za pravog muškarca!", ili lično mi omiljeno " 'oceš lutko i meni nešto da iskopaš". Ali mene je bilo baš briga. Eh sad, naravno da su mi kroz glavu prolazila razna prozivanja keva, sestara itd., ali ovo je bio zaista prvi put da ništa nisam rekla... Jer ono do čega mi je stvarno bilo stalo je da se moja Magnolija primi i obradje me svojim divnim cvetovima, ne bi li zajedno prevarile ovo proleće koje niako da stigne...
Vidite, dualitet je ono sa čime svi živimo i što je deo nas. Trik je u tome da ga prihvatite i shvatite.
I zašto onda ne bi mogli imati sve- nežnost Magnolije u cvetu i ličnu snagu na onom mestu gde baš želite da bude?
Svaka devojčica ima pravo na svoje snove...

A tuxedo story

This is a story of one tuxedo, a pair of silk stilettos, a sweatshirt, studded belt, skinny jeans and an attitude of a curly me.

It is my first outfit post, made totally accidentally because I had to have some shoots for Fashion Unfold conference. Those are the results. I feel to exposed and you know how liars love to stay in a cosy shadow...
Not also sure that this kind of posts are my cup of tea but I have to check it with you first. Feel free to express your thoughts and share it with me my dearest.

Don't worry, I'm to weak to lie now! 

Ovo je prica o jednom smokingu, svilenim salonkama, dukserici, kaisu sa nitnama, skinny farmericama i mojim trsavim stavom.
To mi je takodje i prvi kao outfit post koji je nastao posve slucajno, jer su mi fotke bile hitno potrebne za Fashion Unfold konferenciju, Eto, sad se osecam previse izlozeno, a svi znamo kao latovu prija da ostane u udobnoj senci...
Nisam cak ni sigurna da su ovakvi postovi moj fah ali to moram i sa vama proveriti. Budite zlatni, kao sto jeste pa mi recite vase misljenje da mi je znati sta ciniti, drage moje!
I ne brinite se, jos sam previse slabasna da bih vas lagala!

Tuxedo- HENNES (bought in Holland), Stilettos- Atmosphere, Sweatshirt H&M (bought in Holland), Jeans Topshop (bought in UK), Studded belt Mango